Monday, December 29, 2008

No Child Left Behind

At the beginning of last school year, I told my kids that if they didn't do well on their tests, I would take away their study materials until they did better.

Amazingly, the 1st 9 weeks, my kids came home with mediocre scores and I was forced to appropriate some of their study materials.

Well, the 2nd 9 weeks came along, and their grades still hadn't picked up!
So I was forced to take away even more study materials, and in some cases, take away the very books they used to study. I gave them very stern warnings to improve their grades or I would have to take even harsher action.

Unbelievably, the test scores were *abysmal* for the 3rd 9 weeks and even though it broke my heart, I took away all their books and notebooks and even their pencils.
I sent them back to school with the threat that if they didn't pass into the next grade, I would be forced to to something so horrible that I was afraid to speak it aloud.

When the final report cards were issued, I was in total shock. My children had failed every subject! The teachers had even included notes that asked if I wanted to place my children in special ed for the next school year!

I was in shock. I thought my kids were bright, and when they began to fail I took strong measures, just like the government, to ensure they would improve.
I took their books. I took their papers. I took their pencils. I took away access to the computer and even denied them access to the library.

And despite taking everything away from them, they *still* failed.

I don't understand what I did wrong. I did it just like the government does! No Child Left Behind. When the school test scores drop, the schools lose funding.
I did the same thing! When my children started failing, I took away their educational materials! But they still failed, despite my best efforts to encourage them.

I just don't understand it. Maybe my kids really are stupid.